Zombie Shark (2015) A guy and three girls on a weekend getaway to a discount island resort is cut short when a seemingly dead shark suddenly reanimates and starts chomping on lookey-loos. It seems a nearby research facility was working on regenerating human limbs, and their test shark got loose. Why WOULDN’T you use a Great White Shark as a guinea pig for this dangerous experiment? Jason London (Dazed & Confused) is the research facility’s security, and he comes to save the stranded partiers, but not before the loose shark infects other sharks, creating an army of undead jaws. Sloan Coe plays on of the main protagonists, she also has Ghost Shark on her short resume, as well as the atrocious Devil’s Due. She’s on a quick path to the bad movie Hall of Fame. I’m not familiar with Cassie Steele, but apparently she was in 180 episodes of Degrassi. Skip this one.
Roboshark (2015) An alien space probe finds its way down a Great White Shark’s throat and immediately transforms it into a cyborg, who then swims up the pipes and wreaks havoc on populated areas of Seattle. An aging weather girl and her cameraman, covering the storm in a van, get first glimpse of the Roboshark, but still can’t convince her boss that she’s worthy of covering such a major story. Enter her social media-savvy teenage daughter, who sends their footage viral and Roboshark is the talk of the nation in just minutes. A touching moment between teen and Roboshark is cut short when an admiral who wants nothing but to kill intervenes. Not a familiar face in the entire cast. As bad as this was, it was slightly watchable when compared to the rest of the week’s offerings.
Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! (2015) The ridiculous premise that the internet seems to love is back. Shark-Slayer Ian Zeiring is accepting an award from the president (Mark Cuban) and First Lady (Ann Coulter) when DC is the newest target of the deadly weather anomaly. He saves most who need to be saves, then sets out for Universal Studios Orlando, where wife Tara Reid, mother-in-law Bo Derek and family are vacationing, in what plays as a huge in-movie TV commercial. He finds his old shark killing partner, Nova, on the way, with her new sidekick, Frankie Munoz. Most of them are eventually reunited, and it is decided that the sharknado, now encompassing the entire eastern seaboard must be attacked from space, with the help of Zeiring’s astronaut father, David Hasslehoff. Question: Why would you employ unlikeable public figures as cameos in this movie, such as Cuban, Coulter, Andrew Weiner, etc, and NOT kill them? Other notable cameos, most but not all meet a shark related death include Penn & Teller, Chris Jericho, Kim Richards, Ray-J, Jackie Collins, Jerry Springer, most of the Today Show, and many more. The charm of the first movie, and the less charm of the second movie have now dwindled to “is this over yet?”, but not to worry, Sharknado 4 is scheduled for next summer.
Not that I’m trying to hand out any awards here, but if I had to rank SyFy’s 6 shark premiers, I would go: 1. Three Headed Shark, 2. Sharktopus vs Whalewolf, 3. Roboshark, 4. Sharknado 3, 5. Megashark vs Kolossus, and 6. the dreadful Zombie Shark. Can’t wait to do it again next year!
Missed Part 1? You can read it HERE