From the Rookie Corner – Super Sized

tall-womanFIRST – let me say this in not a negative response to Sister Throat Punch – who I love. This is just a look at the other side. My girl wrote for the shorties. I will write from the perspective of the super-sized….and I don’t mean weight. I am a tad tall. I feel I am not that tall….perhaps because my baby sister is even taller than I am. But – as I am told – I am “tall for a girl”. Dammit. Although my shorter sisters may wish for height…. there are some downsides.

1. Men

Now, I’m old and married – but back in the day, many….most….fellas were shorter than I was. At BEST, I would find someone my height – which really limited shoe options – but we will get to that. Dancing can be…. awkward. SixteenCandles15Very awkward. Being a teenager was weird enough – add this into the mix…A tall girl is great in theory. Supermodels are tall. Sadly, some men find it emasculating to have to ask their lady to get something off the top shelf for them. Nothing hotter than THAT, right fellas?

2. ShoesHIGH HEELS

Chick shoes can be fun. So many choices!! There are entire stores dedicated JUST to shoes. Some women have closets JUST for shoes. Shoes were a constant theme in the HBO series Sex and the City. The average woman owns about 20 pairs of shoes. I own more I admit. More than I should.And what do I normally wear…….

dr1My trusty Doc Martens. Yes, I have “girly” shoes… and they are really cool… .but I hate wearing them. Is it pain? No. Comfort? No. It’s feeling like I am 9 feet taller than everyone else. I went to a concert in my girl shoes and I could LITERALLY see over the heads of everyone. I guess if you like attention, this may work to your benefit, but if you are an antisocial wallflower? This is a ‘no-go’.

3. Clothes

This one needs subcategories…

Half-Shirt-Guya. Tops

Ever find a super cute top? Cool t-shirt? Made for a girl? Yeah –  about 50+% of those are basically half shirts. That was ok when I was young. And it was the 80s. Now? I’m a fucking MOM. I’m not dead – but I’m a grow ass woman and I am not wearing a half shirt. That shit really only looks good on…no one. Longer shirts can be a bit ‘moo-moo’ish… If you find a decent shirt that fits, you BUY IT. No debate. You grab that fucker.

b. Pants

Once upon a time, there were no length options for ladies. I am also cursed with hips AND a waist – so boy jeans were not an option. This means that 75% of my pants were too short. I wore boots – not to be cool – but to hide the fact that I was indeed wearing high waters.

“Cute capris!”

“Fuck you – these are my PANTS”

Ok, So, luckily capris – in all lengths – became a thing. Many a pair of jeans were cut into shorts because they were just stupid short. I know, short people hate pants that are too long… Too long can be altered. Too short? You’re screwed. Now there are length options – but do NOT put them in the dryer…. ever…

images-2OH – and the ‘low-rise’. Yeah…. I hate ‘mom jeans’. HATE HATE HATE. But the low rise is an issue too. They look cute. On a shorter person. On a tall chick? There is NO sitting, bending, squatting….nothing. You stand very, very, VERY still – otherwise you are a plumber joke. Dammit. Ok – I’m sure some of the fellas are all ‘yeah, baby!!’ Now imagine that’s your mom. Ewe.

And NEVER dry your sweat pants…

3. Skirts/dresses

What looks super cute on a shorter chick makes me look like I should be hanging out on a corner somewhere. A cute lil dress? Nope – it’s a shirt. A lil skirt? Yeah – maybe as a belt…. Maybe you get brave and BUY the dress. Get all rebellious. Guess what? Now you cannot sit, bend over, get into – or out of – a car without pulling a Paris… no, I’m not posting it – but you know what I mean. I would like to keep my lady parts PRIVATE.

4. Pantyhose/Tights

tights-2-630x332

Fuck ALL this shit

That’s just one chicks take. Upside, I CAN reach the top shelf. I CAN see at a concert…..so, there’s that. Guess that’s all I have to say about that…

 

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